The Frustration of Feeling Better

The really frustrating thing about battling up mood swings and feeling better. It seems such a change that even your friends and family back off. That's the very thing you don't need and the danger is you isolate more, either isolate or go off the rails. This has never been so clear to me. It is no wonder isolation and loneliness are such big problems for those with Bipolar Disorder. Even doctors back off to some extent. Thanks for listening !

Thoughts on My Vacation / Holiday etc

My previous holiday had been in September 2007 with Spice UK. I went to Club La Santa in Lanzarote (Canary Islands). I was very apprehensive before I went but I had a great two weeks. I got on well with the other people in the group. I determined that I would go back in the future.

I returned to Club La Santa with Spice on Oct 14th on the holiday which is now one week. I have been suffering from a lot of anxiety this year, most likely due to the medication that is supposed to help me. It does help me sleep. I was really doubting whether I should go to La Santa, right up to the day before the flight, maybe even up to the morning of the flight. Thanks to a chat with a friend, I made it. I met seven others at the airport and I was less apprehensive. I didn't really relax until we got to the resort. I had a bedroom to myself in a four-bed sports apartment. It was not huge but it was my own space. I chose to go single occupancy because my sleep pattern can be a bit strange. The other three bedrooms had another single guy and two couples. We all got on very well. By the morning after arrival, I had already met 12 of the 24 others in the group. I knew the coordinator from my last visit, so that made 13. I met the others over the week. There was only one person from the previous holiday but it didn't matter. Everyone got on well and had a great week. Some were very sporty and did lots of stuff. Others, like me, did what they could. By the end of the week, I was more relaxed than I have been in years, probably since I was there last time.

I learned one big lesson. Even though I have been isolated for a long time, I can still get on well with people "face to face". I thought I had turned into someone who only relates to people electronically. It has been a shock coming back to an empty (cold) flat. I am not so lonely now. I am keen not to slip into such isolation again. I am sending off an application form for voluntary work. I spent 6 weeks at the same company on a work placement, so I am quite hopeful. I also need to find some other activities where I meet people. My slimming group has been a life saver over the last 19 months. I will continue to go when I can even though I have reached my target weight.

Being Bipolar Part Four – Stigma

What is stigma? It is a subject with many aspects. Let me start off with a description from the UK mental health charity, Rethink.

“Stigma is something judged by others as a sign of disgrace and something that sets a person apart from others.
When something like mental illness, disability or addiction, is stigmatised, the issue will often be avoided due to making people feel uncomfortable. People may even mock these things to make them less threatening.

For those living with mental illness, the stigma imposed upon them in society can lead to a lack of funding for services and public education, difficulty in finding employment, or in getting a mortgage, or even holiday insurance.

Ultimately, the silence and lack of understanding about mental illness encourages feelings of shame, and discourages people to seek treatment or even to admit that symptoms they may be experiencing may be related to a mental illness.”

I guess my delay in blogging about stigma means that I don't have much to add on the subject. I do care about stigma and I try to combat it.

There is plenty of work going on to combat stigma. As a rule, more exposure in the media can help. That is as long as it is informed. Unfortunately, every negative story about mental health tends to increase stigma. It must be good if the general population are better informed about what mental illness is and about how common it is.

I think that mental health sufferers can get very isolated by their illness and this contributes to a different kind of stigma. They set themselves apart and are vulnerable to stereotyping.

Please feel free to add comments and describe your views of stigma.

Thanks,
Clive

Being Bipolar Part Two – Social Isolation

Social Isolation is probably one of the worst things about living as a “stable” Bipolar sufferer. I am talking about someone whose meds do the job and they have good self management skills. They just want to get on with their life. It is well known that most bipolars will not return to their chosen career. Most of them will find it hard to get any employment. I know this from my own situation. I feel like I was on the scrap heap at 57.

The bottom line is that many bipolars have a lot of time on their hands. Some find meaningful volunteering opportunities. Some have access to resource cafes or drop-in centres. Some spend their time on social networking sites. Some will write or blog. Most activities seem to be ways of killing time.

My perspective is as someone who lives alone. I sometimes go for several days without seeing another person. Sometimes the only person I see is the supermarket checkout lady. I am socially isolated. I can’t blame this on the illness but it certainly reinforces it. I value my weekly Slimming World group. I try hard to make it every week because it one “normal” activity in my life. I was never good at socialisation, even in the years before I was labelled as bipolar. When I was married, it was not so much of a problem. That smacks of codependancy. I have been separated for about 10 years and I am back to living alone. I always relied on my workplaces for my socialisation. In the last ten years, I have hardly worked.

I tend to isolate myself. I am not sure whether it is connected with being bipolar. There might be a subconscious desire not to make new friends. The illness has cost me so many friendships. I got tired of explaining and apologising. It might seem convenient to avoid building new relationships.

I don’t reach out to friends. I don’t even reach out to on-line friends who I have never met face-to-face. That is something I have to work on. I seem to have acquaintances rather than friends. I see a friend as someone you meet occasionally, maybe for a pint or a coffee. A friend will come round to visit, call on the phone or join you for a restaurant meal. I have lots of “friends” on Facebook or Twitter. I would class most of them as acquaintances. 99% of them are too far away for socialising. I have rarely had friends as I described. It doesn’t help that I have an apparent phobia about using the phone. Don’t get me wrong. I like people and I like to be with them. It is possible that my social isolation is more to do with my personal character than it is do with being bipolar. Bipolar just adds a few more challenges to the task.

I would like to hear about other people’s perspective on social isolation. I know it is a big issue for Bipolars. My experience might be different because of my background and life experiences.

I always struggle when I am asked “What do you Like to Do?”. People will suggest that I join a club or something. Maybe I am boring, but I am rarely interested in what is on offer. I am very good at finding excuses not to do certain things. I am so focussed on my weight loss that I avoid activities that involve eating or drinking. That cuts out a lot of social activities. I am in touch with a walking group. I have never gone with them. I have plenty of excuses. The first and valid excuse was that they walk too far. That was true but maybe not any more. I would need a lift to get to most walks. I hate relying on lifts. They usually eat in a pub after the walks. I have so many possible excuses in my head. It is not surprising I haven’t been yet. They do have social activities apart from the walking.

I always like to be open about my illness. I am realizing that it not always the best policy when joining in “normal” activities. Maybe I find it uncomfortable to explain why I don’t work. I tell myself that I have retired early. It was not really by choice and I feel uncomfortable with it. It might be easier now I am sixty and holding Senior Railcard !!

I know that I have to get out more. Making friends might happen from that. I have to use my free bus pass for fun rather than attending appointments. I can now get reduced rail fares. I can swim for free once I get a card. I have started to keep a weekly schedule and I have bought a desk diary. They are helping a lot. I now need to schedule some fun stuff and stick to it.

I guess that I saying that my social isolation was always there. Being Bipolar has added to the mix and created some more challenges. I think I have rambled on enough for one blog.

Being Bipolar Part One

I'm sorry I haven't blogged much lately. I started blogging just over a year ago. I had the possible advantage of being slightly hypomanic at the time. In my book, I chronicled my life as affected by being Bipolar. I talked more about the extreme behaviour. Whenever I hear a sufferer talking about bipolar, they are always encouraged to describe the more extreme behaviours because it sexier somehow. Maybe it might sell more newspapers or magazines, or maybe get more listeners and viewers. I think it is more important to talk about the day to day struggle of sufferers, the search for hope, the search for wellness, stability and recovery. Recovery is the Holy Grail of the Mental Health system. Why does no one talk about it? Recovery is good for sufferers and reduces the burden on Health Services. Doctors seem to focus on stability but it is rare for anyone to monitor the road to recovery. You can't just stamp someone as "stable" and let them wander off into society. They will have issues such as getting back to work (if they are very lucky), combatting social isolation and living with the stigma of being mentally ill. Services such as resource cafes or drop-in centres are encouraged to offer a temporary place to go. There are few, if any, places to go once they are more "stable". I hope to talk more about the struggles of "stable" sufferers and my personal struggle to recovery.