Back to the blog coal face

Two whole days without a blog. I have been concentrating on finishing my book materials and I plan to pass everything to my publisher this week. I am definitely going to do it ! I have also been trying to chill more and trying to take the edge off the tendency to mania. I have been reaching a point where it is just my personality. I have no idea what my personality is any more.

My scheme where I go to bed later is working. I am waking with the birds rather than way before them. The sun comes up quite soon after I wake up and have breakfast. Now my story is soon to be in the hands of the publisher, I might be inspired to blog more.

I see my chiropractor and massage therapist on Wednesday. They have done wonders for me in the last nine months. This time last year, I was a physical wreck and I could hardly get around my flat. On Thursday, I see my psychiatrist. I brought forward my appointment because of recent sleep problems. As usual the symptoms have subsided while I await the appointment. That is often the way.

I hope to finally get off lithium this week. I don't think my dosage can be reduced any more. Falling below the therapeutic level of lithium has really changed my life. I noticed it as long ago as November as my dosage was reduced. My friends always said how lithium dulled your brain. I was never convinced until my dosage was reduced in a controlled way. I led a reasonable life in the first ten years of lithium but maybe it could have been better.

I am now buzzing with creativity. I have never experienced anything like it. I have written 34 pages of blogs in the months of February and March. Most of it was written in the wee small hours and some of it even makes sense.

I need to concentrate on the physical issues for a while. My weight creeps up gradually. I feel and look really fat. My fitness level is at an all time low and it doesn't seem to respond to any work. My mental state has never been so much at odds with my physical state. I am sure I would have approached full mania apart from my lack of fitness.

Now my book is on the way, I must concentrate on the physical side.

Sleep deprivation...first hand

I don't normally copy material from another forum, but I think it is worthwhile this time:

Another long day, and a very productive day, but I am running on the fumes. I have to sleep soon or I will crash in a big way. I have taken zopiclone with my seroquel for two nights. The only real effect was two foggy mornings. In my head that is. Tonight, now I have renewed my prescription with the new 200 mg dose, I plan to take the new 200mg of seroquel by itself. I don't think zopiclone agrees with me and my body fights it. It fights most stuff from past experience.

I really know what a zombie would feel like. After taking a self portrait yesterday, I know how one looks. I don't know what I hope to achieve here except to give you a look at the downside of hypomania and insomnia.

I keep trying to stay up late per my gp but it seems to be to no avail. My sleep arrangements are pretty good and I don't have caffeine after the afternoon. I fall asleep with no effort and I am not sure I need meds for that. Staying asleep and getting restful sleep have always been my problem.

I know I try to do too much on too little sleep but I have all the ideas right now. My neighbour came round to clean as usual. I value having someone nearby. She helped me clean up my act. She returned 2 dvd players, a vcr, and a full stereo system to the local recycling shop. She messaged me to say the stereo already had a new home! I'm glad someone else will enjoy it after my brother and myself. I now have room for my new 32 inch tv that comes on Monday. I hope I am making sense. I am typing on autopilot.

This is not the downside of bipolar. I am far from depressed although I have doubts. I hope to report soon that I have had a good night's sleep. Not much to ask.