Sunday, 26 July 2009

Back to reality....with a bump

I often say that I don't suffer from the depressions as much as the manias. I am not sure that is true. I think I am often in denial just to preserve my sanity. I think my frequent periods of extreme loneliness are really periods of depression. I have been feeling generally quite positive in recent months. Unfortunately it has no basis in reality. I have always been a hopeful person and this has got me through hard times. I am now settling down to look at my future. I may have have made personal progress but I am still reclusive and isolated. I always relied on others to make me better, as in my friends and my wives. I think it is called codependency. I always struggled with socialisation for much of my life. I managed fairly well as long as I was working, but now I find it hard to make friends and I struggle to keep them. I am a bit of a loner but I do enjoy the company of others. I don't seem to spend time with people and I rarely get the chance to eat out or do other stuff any more.


  1. Wives plural? You have been a busy man. Well that's my attempt at humour!
    I too am a loner. I have my kids. But if given a choice of free time what are you going to do? I will mostly choose reading.
    I literally force myself to do social avtivities, Like choir....force myself to attend rehearsals, but feel so good after. Or even a simple coffee with a friend (of which I have very few at present)
    Before choir rehearsal I alway go to a cafe and get a simple meal. I eat by myself, often reading the paper or a book. Sounds sad but it is relaxing.
    Yet I still want a life partner, someone to debrief with at the end of the work day, someone to drink coffee and tea with on the weekends while we read the papers.
    I don't have any ideas, but you now know you aren't alone in feeling like you do.
    Lissy xxoo

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