Back to reality....with a bump

I often say that I don't suffer from the depressions as much as the manias. I am not sure that is true. I think I am often in denial just to preserve my sanity. I think my frequent periods of extreme loneliness are really periods of depression. I have been feeling generally quite positive in recent months. Unfortunately it has no basis in reality. I have always been a hopeful person and this has got me through hard times. I am now settling down to look at my future. I may have have made personal progress but I am still reclusive and isolated. I always relied on others to make me better, as in my friends and my wives. I think it is called codependency. I always struggled with socialisation for much of my life. I managed fairly well as long as I was working, but now I find it hard to make friends and I struggle to keep them. I am a bit of a loner but I do enjoy the company of others. I don't seem to spend time with people and I rarely get the chance to eat out or do other stuff any more.