My weight loss journey

My weight has fluctuated for the last 30 years. I remember reaching 17 stone in my early thirties. This led me to diet and I lost about 3 stone. I don’t think I ever thought about maintaining my new weight. I made no attempts to change my eating habits. It was pure luck that kept my weight fairly stable for a few years. I didn’t pile on the pounds. It just crept up on me over the years. It was mainly due to a sedentary occupation and general lack of activity. I have not been able to work much in the last ten years and this is when my weight began to increase. I first noticed the problem when I was pushing 19 stone. I joined a gym and dieted again. I lost about one stone. I stopped going to the gym and my bad eating habits returned. I had soon gone past 19 stone and approached 20 stone. This raised major flags because I had never been 20 stone in my life. This was late in 2007. I still thought I was okay.

In September of 2007, I went on an “activity” holiday to Club La Santa in Lanzarote. I was quite active and I enjoyed the holiday. In reality, this experience started the downward slide that led me to joining Slimming World. I think it was a combination of doing too much for my fitness level and the four hour return flight wedged in an airplane seat. The following 18 months was marked by a series of physical problems. My lower body was giving up. I had pains and discomfort in my legs, and it would shift from location to location. At the worst point, I remember that I could not get myself into or out of the bed. I ended up sleeping in my recliner on some occasions. In hindsight, I was slow in getting help. I tried the conventional approach at my GP surgery. This gave no relief. I finally found a good chiropractor and massage therapist. They managed to get me moving again, but I was still weighing in at about 20 stones.

By April of 2009, I realized that I had to do something. It was more due to the physical problems than the weight itself. I think I was still in denial about the weight. Fortunately my neighbour, Carol, was attending a Slimming World group in Claverdon. She invited me to go along with her to the group. I went along on 28th April, 2009 and began my food optimising journey. I weighed in at 20 stone 6.5 pounds. I lost weight from the first week and I was soon convinced that it worked. I am very good at following instructions and that is why I found the plan so good. I found a focus that surprised me. By early in August I had lost about 2 stone. The group was several miles from home and I wouldn’t be able to get there without a lift. Sarah Langford was starting a new group in Warwick at the Cricket Club. It was somewhere that I could walk to and I could also get some extra Body magic at the same time. Carol and I decided to try out the new group. We liked it immediately and decided to transfer.

Sarah’s new group went from strength to strength. It was eventually so successful that it split into two groups. I only missed one group session from early in August, 2009 until I reached my target on 5th October, 2010. On the week that I missed, I weighed in at another group locally. That was 62 consecutive weigh-ins. The Slimming World group became a very important part of my life, often my only social interaction in any week. I tried to get to group every week, no matter how I had felt during the day.

My PAT had been set some time ago at 14 stone. It became clear that it might be unrealistic and I adjusted it to 14 stone 6.5 pounds, for a total loss of 6 stone. This gave me the impetus to focus more and work hard for the target. Earlier in 2010, the group members were asked to set themselves a goal for the year. My goal was to reach my target before my holiday in October. I reached it with 9 days in hand and I was delighted. My holiday had been arranged to the same resort as I visited in September of 2007. It would be a celebration of my weight loss and a chance to be more active on the “activity” holiday. My main “before” photo had been taken in 2007 on one of the excursions. It would be a chance to repeat the excursion and get an excellent “after” photo at the same spot.

On the 2007 holiday, I was as active as could be considering my weight. I did some classes, swam a bit, played some social tennis and did some gym work. On the second visit I was far more involved. I added two sessions of social badminton, I did four 18Km sessions on the exercise bike, had a one to one golf lesson and practised what I had learnt. I had far more energy and got more out of the La Santa experience. I was pleased to find out that the same excursion was running. I managed to get my “after” photo in front of the El Golfo rock. In 2007, the walk down to the beach and back to the bus was quite an ordeal. This time it was a simple stroll. Before I joined Slimming World, I struggled after walking 10 minutes from my flat. I became breathless and my legs began to hurt. Recently, I have frequently walked for over an hour without any discomfort and I really enjoyed it.

My physical and mental healths are now so much better. I have suffered from Bipolar Disorder for almost 28 years. This basically means I am prone to mood swings even while taking medication. As I followed the plan and lost weight my mood swings became almost a thing of the past. Despite reaching 60 in February, I feel mentally and physically better than I have for many years. I have taken medication for high blood pressure and high cholesterol for over ten years. In 2008, my glucose intolerance shifted to Diabetes 2 and I started taking more medication. In my recent diabetes review, my blood pressure, cholesterol and blood sugar values were in the middle of the healthy ranges. I hope that it will be possible to reduce or even stop some medications at some point.

I take two medications for my Bipolar Disorder. One of them is Seroquel (Quetiapine) and it is notorious for causing weight gain. I have taken this medication for the full 18 months of food optimising and have lost weight steadily during this time.

I see reaching target as a beginning rather than a conclusion. I really think that food optimising has been the biggest factor in my continued weight loss. Despite my best intentions, I didn’t really increase my activity levels to any great extent. As I approached target, I hit a serious plateau. I fine tuned my diet as best I could and I also started to use my exercise bike. It had become something of a clothes rack. These efforts paid dividends and I soon reached my target. I see my biggest challenge as increasing my activity levels to help with my target maintenance. I see food optimising as my lifestyle choice from now onwards. I enjoy the food and I have never felt hungry. I followed the Green plan for most of the 18 months. I tried changing to Extra Easy completely but settled on 4 green days and 3 Extra Easy days each week. I have always tried to plan out a meal plan for the week between group meetings. I have also used the online food diary but now I only use it to check syn values. I have changed from being someone who lives on ready meals. I now eat mostly fresh food with plenty of fruit and vegetables. I cook more than I ever have and more than I ever thought I would.

I gave up on finding work three years ago. Now I am slimmer and a little fitter, I am actively seeking a voluntary position with a local company. I worked there on a job placement scheme when I was 6 stone heavier.

Thoughts on My Vacation / Holiday etc

My previous holiday had been in September 2007 with Spice UK. I went to Club La Santa in Lanzarote (Canary Islands). I was very apprehensive before I went but I had a great two weeks. I got on well with the other people in the group. I determined that I would go back in the future.

I returned to Club La Santa with Spice on Oct 14th on the holiday which is now one week. I have been suffering from a lot of anxiety this year, most likely due to the medication that is supposed to help me. It does help me sleep. I was really doubting whether I should go to La Santa, right up to the day before the flight, maybe even up to the morning of the flight. Thanks to a chat with a friend, I made it. I met seven others at the airport and I was less apprehensive. I didn't really relax until we got to the resort. I had a bedroom to myself in a four-bed sports apartment. It was not huge but it was my own space. I chose to go single occupancy because my sleep pattern can be a bit strange. The other three bedrooms had another single guy and two couples. We all got on very well. By the morning after arrival, I had already met 12 of the 24 others in the group. I knew the coordinator from my last visit, so that made 13. I met the others over the week. There was only one person from the previous holiday but it didn't matter. Everyone got on well and had a great week. Some were very sporty and did lots of stuff. Others, like me, did what they could. By the end of the week, I was more relaxed than I have been in years, probably since I was there last time.

I learned one big lesson. Even though I have been isolated for a long time, I can still get on well with people "face to face". I thought I had turned into someone who only relates to people electronically. It has been a shock coming back to an empty (cold) flat. I am not so lonely now. I am keen not to slip into such isolation again. I am sending off an application form for voluntary work. I spent 6 weeks at the same company on a work placement, so I am quite hopeful. I also need to find some other activities where I meet people. My slimming group has been a life saver over the last 19 months. I will continue to go when I can even though I have reached my target weight.

Not pushed my book in a while...

I am sorry to advertise my own book but no one else will do it. I wrote my autobiography, mostly as it relates to bipolar disorder. I am not going to make any money out of it, in fact it has cost me a lot. Being bipolar, that goes with the territory.

It is called "My Life as a Mood Swinger", written under the name Clive Wild. It was published by Xlibris in April 2009 and is available from Amazon or other good on-line retailers. I have a very limited number of signed copies if you have Paypal. Let me know at clivewild@hotmail.com .

Regards,
Clive

Being Bipolar Part VII–Road to Recovery(Wellness)

This part of my blog has been a long time coming. Probably because I have not been well. Now I have sorted my meds, I feel able to tackle the subject.

I added wellness to the heading because some people, including me, think that recovery implies that you are cured. That is not true in Bipolar Disorder and other life long mental illnesses. I think wellness is a much better goal.

What does wellness mean to me? I guess it means being able to carry on reasonably meaningful life despite having a mental illness. It is one thing to be able to do it. It is another thing to actually do meaningful things. I find myself able to do stuff most of the time. I have isolated myself so much that I don’t actually do it. Until I get over this inability to do things, I think my wellness has a good way to go. Staying home all the time is not most people’s idea of wellness. Feeling able is just the start.

I have lost the desire and maybe the ability to socialize. I would like to have good friends, the sort of people that you meet for coffee, go for a walk with, or maybe even play golf with. I feel like I am out of circulation, separate to the real world. I hear people talk about their lives and wonder why my life is no longer like that.

Wellness must come in various stages. Being happy with your meds regime and good coping skills are only the first step. I feel like I have achieved the first step and then become stuck, Where I should see a bright future, I just see a void. This makes me worry and threatens the wellbeing I have achieved. I have always had a lot of hope. This is threatened when I realize I am stuck.

I need to do things but I really have no idea what they are. I am not ready for senior clubs, playing bingo and dominoes. I don’t feel comfortable any more in resource cafes or drop-in centers. I am a baby boomer. Most of my fellow boomers are still working and have real lives. I can’t relate to most others of my age group. I don’t have much in common.

I guess my true wellness relies on me solving this problem. I need to build or rebuild some sort of life. “I used to have a life” doesn’t really help. I wrote about my story in an autobiography. I now need to write the next chapter, which seemed likely when I finished the book. I can’t have such a good life as before but I should be able to find something meaningful and satisfying.

Wellness is the ability to have a meaningful life without working. Retired people seem to manage it, but they usually have made good provisions for retirement. I call myself retired but that is a euphemism for losing the ability to get a job.

Being Bipolar Part Six – Hope

Hope is something that is very important to me personally. I sometimes wonder where it comes from. It seems to be more of a state of mind for me. I retain hope when all seems black at some levels. I don’t know if I am alone in this experience. Logically, I would think that hope comes from a real expectation that things will get better. I seem to stay hopeful even when things may seem hopeless. I think that hope has kept me going through adversity, through the times when I have had to start my life over.

I don’t have a really strong idea of the future. If I did have any idea, I could possibly understand why I retain hope. It is that spark which helps you to get through each day, each week and the rest of your life. I may not understand it but I am very grateful that I have hope.

It doesn’t have much to do with the verb “to hope”. That is a more practical thing. “I hope it goes well” or “I hope you feel better soon”. The noun “hope” is so much more. Hopefulness and hopelessness are also more practical concepts.

Hope is such a difficult thing to write about. It is an extremely personal thing. I know from talking to friends that I am not alone in my experience of hope. Please post your comments and your views on hope. I like that my blog entries generate some discussion. I hope you found this blog thought provoking. I hope I don’t burn my bacon next time !!

Clive

Being Bipolar Part Five – Acceptance

I think that acceptance is key to wellness and recovery. In the first place, it leads to the search for a diagnosis. I actively looked for a diagnosis despite being quite ill at the time. I suppose I was more interested in getting help than getting a label. Some people who I talk to really worry about being called bipolar or whatever their diagnosis happens to be. A label doesn’t define you. Hopefully it will help you to get appropriate help. I really encourage new sufferers to seek help. It is far better if you are in control at this point. It is far better than being thrown into hospital, medicated and then diagnosed. I had a very good “stable” period after I was diagnosed and found good treatment. I was lucky to find a doctor who knew the subject well and I kept a relationship with him for about fifteen years. The stability of this relationship was key to my wellness. I was lucky to find a doctor who was around that long.

Those of us with a serious mental illness have it for the long term, maybe for life. Unless we accept that we are ill, we are destined for a lot of chaos in our lives. Acceptance of the illness (diagnosis) is only the first step. Many of the medication regimes have their own problems. We are often tempted to try going free, especially after a period of stability or particularly troublesome side effects. In my case, it took two attempts and the ensuing chaos to convince me that I really need the medication. Life is not always smooth and sometimes taking medication becomes a lower priority. Even though my first attempt at stopping Lithium led to a major manic episode, I tried again 4 years later when my life was particularly chaotic. I can’t honestly say whether I could have avoided either bad experience. Possibly it would have required strong intervention from family or a doctor. Unfortunately the idea of seeing doctors was a long way from my mind. The second stopping of Lithium suddenly led to a less severe but equally disruptive and painful manic episode. This time it led to a severe period of depression, unemployment, and a suicide attempt. Only stop medications gradually and do it with the agreement of a doctor.

I encourage all sufferers to accept that they are ill, that they need help and that they should keep medication compliant. If I had followed my own advice, I would be in a very different place, mentally and maybe physically. I might have missed out on a lot of good stuff, so it is a difficult call. I might be still living by the beach in Southern California and still pursuing a meaningful career. I am content in my life now but I can’t help saying “What if?” . I do still accept that I have a life long disorder and I need medication. I am as well as I have been for ages, both mentally and physically.

Being Bipolar Part Four – Stigma

What is stigma? It is a subject with many aspects. Let me start off with a description from the UK mental health charity, Rethink.

“Stigma is something judged by others as a sign of disgrace and something that sets a person apart from others.
When something like mental illness, disability or addiction, is stigmatised, the issue will often be avoided due to making people feel uncomfortable. People may even mock these things to make them less threatening.

For those living with mental illness, the stigma imposed upon them in society can lead to a lack of funding for services and public education, difficulty in finding employment, or in getting a mortgage, or even holiday insurance.

Ultimately, the silence and lack of understanding about mental illness encourages feelings of shame, and discourages people to seek treatment or even to admit that symptoms they may be experiencing may be related to a mental illness.”

I guess my delay in blogging about stigma means that I don't have much to add on the subject. I do care about stigma and I try to combat it.

There is plenty of work going on to combat stigma. As a rule, more exposure in the media can help. That is as long as it is informed. Unfortunately, every negative story about mental health tends to increase stigma. It must be good if the general population are better informed about what mental illness is and about how common it is.

I think that mental health sufferers can get very isolated by their illness and this contributes to a different kind of stigma. They set themselves apart and are vulnerable to stereotyping.

Please feel free to add comments and describe your views of stigma.

Thanks,
Clive