When a book is not a book (humor)

I always knew that my book didn't match up to the books in bookstores that are sold by the inch of thickness. As an infrequent reader, the huge tomes scare the hell out of me. They might look good on a coffee table but there is no way I could read one. Bipolar always made it hard for me to concentrate on my reading.

Two of my best friends called my book a pamphlet when they first saw it. I hope they were joking. They both bought one and at least one of them enjoyed it. Someone pointed out the problem of being a short book with an inappropriate price. This was due to my choosing to publish in full colour with photos. This led to an inflated retail price set by the publisher. The real problem was that I bought books based on that inflated price. I was forced to sell at a price that exceeded the final price set by Amazon UK. For a reason unknown to me, the price on Amazon US is still the retail price, twice the UK price. I guess there is a reason.

If my book is not a book, then what is it? It is certainly not a booklet or a pamphlet. They are often free. Maybe it could be a bookling or have you any suggestions? It is listed on Amazon under books so it must be a book. If it were sold in bookstores, It might be lost among the celebrity biography tomes. I have never read one, so I don't know how they fill so many pages. Maybe they use a very large font? I know celebs have fascinating lives but can they be so interesting. Dead celebs sell more books than me. How bad is that?

Do you have to be a celeb to sell books? It certainly ensures they get on TV or radio to promote their latest book. I have to find some way to become a z list celebrity. Maybe my feature in a local newspaper will grab some attention.

I promise that my second book will have a lot more words. I have to start studying a dictionary so I know a few more big words. My first book was a work of passion. I had to get it out of my head. It probably wouldn't have come out if I hadn't ridden the waves of hypomania and lived with little sleep for weeks. My book was written and published within a two and a half month period. That must be some sort of record. The book is probably so short because I was desperate to finish it. It may lack detail in places and I am happy to fill in the gaps if anyone has questions. Luckily I found a publisher, Xlibris, who went along at my breakneck speed. When I heard they had shiped my 100 books, I started sleeping on the next night. I have slept pretty well ever since. That's about two months.

Never mind the quantity, feel the quality. I don't waste many words. I think I tell my story concisely. I doubt whether I was aware of the cost implications as I wrote the book. It came out naturally at 72 pages, a perfect size for a colour book with photographs. A book of twice the size would have retailed at $70.

Book, booklet or pamphlet, it is worth £14 of anyone's money. I put my heart and soul into it and that must be worth a lot.

Regards, Clive