Amazing what a shave and a hair brushing can do. It can't erase the tired look but I do look better than Saturday. Picture banned from publication. Last night I woke at about 2am as usual but forced myself to lay down again (after I turned on the computer). I napped a further 2+ hours for a total of 6+ . My change from 100mg seroquel + lunesta (zopiclone) to 200mg seroquel seems to have paid off. I don't feel like the undead this morning. I will confine my remaining few zopiclone to the storage cupboard. Can't see me needing them. Obviously they don't suit me. I knew that but I must do as GP says. She did call me at home, so that is worth something. She was very unsympathetic after all that. Never seen her face to face. I hate that.
Self management is best. It's all we have as bipolars. It is however tricky to handle manias by yourself. It scares people so you have to. It scares doctors too. Scares me sometimes. Thank god (or higher force) for all my online friends, most of whom I didn't know six weeks ago. I am most vulnerable between 2am and 6am. Who else do you rely on? I am building a good circle of friends on Twitter and Facebook. My blog is getting more followers by the day. My only regret is that I have not got many responses about my story. I put everything into it emotionally and it may not be an easy read because of the subject matter. It is true and I encourage people to detach slightly. It was me but in a way it wasn't because of the bipolar illness That's the whole point of the book. I am not after money. I can't say I couldn't use a few quid.
My aim remains the same, to demystify, debunk and de-stigmatise Bipolar Disorder. Sufferers are people too and can be very creative. Stephen Fry is one of thousands. Given that there are estimated to be 2.4 million sufferers in the USA, it is a great loss to compartmentalise them.
I have got off the point yet again but that is another aspect of the illnes. I hope I can edit my story in such a way that it helps both new sufferers and loved ones. To loved ones, friends and family and carers, please support your bipolar sufferer and don't back off. It is only an illness like cancer and diabetes. IT IS NOT THEIR FAULT , it is the ILLNESS. You can't see it like loss of hair from cancer or a cast on a broken leg, but they are suffering as much and for the rest of their lives. Meds are sometimes effective and I have been relatively lucky. However, I was smashed into the ground by lithium. I know that now I am being weaned off it.
Take care all,
Please support bipolars, the suicide rate among Bipolars is not extremely high for no reason. It is usually out of frustration, anger and desperation.
pls excuse any typos . I have no more emotional strength to do it.