My conscious efforts yesterday to chill more seem to have worked. After talking to a fellow twitterer at length, I decided to push my evening meds back to bedtime. In recent months, I have taken them earlier for convenience and to avoid forgetting. My friend said that the meds, particularly carbamazepine, might help with my sleep.
Over the day I took plenty of chill breaks and avoided over stimulation. I did watch the last dvd of 24 series 6 and quite enjoyed it, more than the previous one at least. Jack Bauer saved the world yet again. No surprise there.
I will check in with my pdoc about the sleep problem when my meds changes have settled down. I have no idea how the lithium contributed to my sleep. I don't think it's known for it. I may need a boost in my carbamazepine dosage to compensate.
I feel a lot more "normal" today, whatever that is. I am not dashing around like a headless chicken. I would like to write and I might try later. I wouldn't say it is harder but it is different. I slept about 5 hours last night, having managed to stay up until nearly 9pm. I always used to go to bed at 10pm like clockwork.
I am going to try to have a couple more chilling days. I have a delivery of groceries tomorrow and that's about it. I have a massage scheduled on Wednesday and I am really looking forward to that. I don't get out much so I must make the most of this sort of thing.
I feel like I am rambling a bit. This is not one of my streams of consciousness. It's harder work.
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As someone who knows almost nothing about being bipolar, here are a few thoughts that spring to mind when I read your words, Clive.
ReplyDeleteThe concept of being bipolar. I look back on my own life and think and see a few likenesses to your story. I too have moved from job to job, place to place. Often, the excuse I give is boredom, new challenges and so on. I guess when I am feeling good, I often come up with a new plan. When I don't feel good, I don't feel like doing an awful lot. I'm not saying I am bipolar, but I wonder if there there is mild bipolar in all of us?
Medication. The dependancy on pills to keep you going is, well, not ideal. I hope for your sake that one day, your mind can learn to cope without them.
Friends and lovers. I have pushed people away through my own words and deeds. I regret losing some, but the people I genuinely care about, and who get me, I have managed to keep, albeit in occasional correspondence. But the knowledge that they are there is enough for me.
I was just catching up on your blog. It is coming along nicely. You have committed to it in a way I would like to, but with my other obligations I am finding it difficult.
ReplyDeleteI am sorry you have felt like this. I understand the feeling because I have been there. It's hard to know what to do or where to turn when in a mixed state.
I can empathize with the loneliness. I feel lonely alot. Sometimes I'm lonely when there's a room full of people. The nights are worse than any other time of day for me as well. I am glad we catch each other on twitter when you get up early and I go to bed late since we have a 5 hour time difference it works.
I hope you get your meds and mood back on track soon. Hang in there.
crystal
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