Tuesday, 10 February 2009
Friends and Bipolar Disorder
I have suffered the symptoms of Bipolar Disorder for 27 years. I was diagnosed almost 24 years ago after a long search for an answer. I have only had two major manic episodes since diagnosis, both caused by stopping my medication. The reasons for stopping medication seem trivial now. My biggest regret is the loss of good friends. At times, I tried to explain that I was ill but it didn't seem to help. Someone said recently that Bipolar sufferers tend to say sorry a lot. Some friends were hit full force by my manias. Some suffered the after effects but they all drifted away. Some may stay in touch at Christmas and some may send the occasional email. My friends now are either fellow sufferers or support workers. I am still inclined to be open with certain people, especially if I like them and I wouldn't want them to find out some other way. This may seem reckless but that's the way I am. I am still seeking email friends, if only to balance some of the spam.
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I think it takes a special person to deal with our ups and downs. Some people care enough, some just don't have the energy. I think the few who can hold on when we seemed so lost within ourselves are worth their weight in gold. I don't think it's reckless to be open about our disorder. I think it is truly the only way to erase stigmas associated with our it. People who don't accept us are not worth our precious time. They can be toxic to us if we allow it, but we have to allow it.
ReplyDeleteThe only thing you can do with a person who is bipolar is be there for them when they are sane and avoid them when they are not sane. That is not being a fairweather friend. That is being realistic. If they start being verbally mean - Walk out the door or HANG UP the phone on them. Don't be there and listen to them rant. It won't be helping a psychotic person to be a punching bag for them. Phone them up and if they sound normal on the phone for ten minutes, then go and visit them. If they don't, then don't visit them. Visit them if they are in the hospital sane or not because that is a controlled environment and they will remember you for that later and appreciate it greatly. Detach with love people but stick around. They might hate you for not being there when they are manic, but when they are sane (if they are considerate of you) they will understand and accept those terms of the friendship.
DeleteThanks - this is speaks to what I've been thinking about with one of my friends with bipolar disorder. I don't want to give up on her.
DeleteVery well said Crystal. She speaks the truth Clive and I sure hope you can put the past behind you. I know the effect it can have on you losing people you care so much about and them not understanding. But there has to come a time to let go or you will continue to hurt yourself. I've seen Randy lose so many family and friends over the years and he's still hard on himself today for it. All you can do is apologize and explain. It's up to them to accept and understand. You're a good man, believe in yourself before you try to believe in others.
ReplyDeleteSome of this misunderstanding is just plain ignorance. I overheard someone in a restaurant say that there was no such thing as bipolar disorder. That sort of pap you just have to ignore in strangers. In friends and family members, follow Crystal and Lee@bpff's advice. Good luck and well wishes.
ReplyDeleteMy solution is to avoid making friends, to be a loner. When I'm up, I can enjoy acquaintances without having to fear losing them when I'm down and am not in touch.
ReplyDeleteIf you had a friend that completely understood you and wanted to be there for you and proved it, would you still leave them?
Deleteno
DeleteCan you give any incite as to why you might still prefer to ignore your friend if they were sticking by you? Just briefly some background. There were things that happened that my friend felt guilty about but I put that to rest. No blame here. I completely understood and said the friendship was the most important thing. Yet it's been almost 5 months with barely any message. It hurts. And I thought it's all part of bipolar, but this long?
DeleteDear Anonymous, You probably won't see this but what the heck? Thanks for the reply. It seems so far ago in many ways. I hadn't long started writing my book and now it's published. I can understand your solution but I have reached the loner thing more by circumstances. I think I always was a loner but I now regret that. I have many online friends but still lack the face to face variety. I guess it may happen one day but I am not crying over it. I do get very lonely times but it may be just tiredness. I am glad someone is reading my old blogs. It is somehow reassuring. I still can't believe how much I churned out in my hypomanic haze.
ReplyDeleteClive Wild nee Edwards
I have a friend whom I think is bipolar, she has all the signs. When she is low she'll be crying and depressed on a monologue at me on the phone for hours .(despite me telling her I am busy or am doing something at the time).. when she is high she is very manipulative about getting my time, and has even told blatant lies to me.
ReplyDeleteI did not know what hit me till I read about her symptoms. It was very stressful for me as a friend, I tried to help, tried to manage her mood swings. But honestly, it is so draining. In the end I distanced myself from her. It is hard to tell her exactly what I think her problem is, because sometimes she seems to be at the point of cracking. When she's high, she denies having a low mood altogether. Either way, it feels always like a one way relationship with her: I give, she takes. I am just saying this so that friends too will not be judged. It feels like she's on her own 'track' and everything becomes about her, which then means intruding on me and my life, expecting me to do things with her that are impossibly impulsive, and generally stressing me out. I know it's the illness, but I guess until she's ready to recognize it, that she needs help, then it is difficult to help, and difficult to be a friend because I am always being 'untruthful' about my feelings about her. It is also difficult to help when she has illusions of grandeur that are so out of whack with her abilities. The truth is, until the person admits they need help, admit they have a mental problem, it is hard for anyone to help. Ironically I have friends who have mental disorders, who have admitted it, and have sought help, and I can say that I am a good, loyal friend to them. But when someone is delusional .. well, it's very tough.
As a roommate of three years with someone with bipolar disorder, your message describes our friendship in its entirety. She sets herself up for failure by picking goals which she has no possibility of completing, let alone the most mentally stable person even being able to complete. She lies to me constantly, and is only a good friend to me when it is convenient for her. She sets expectations of me she won't even hold herself to. I realize this is a disease, but it is not my life's responsibility to constantly pick up the pieces of someone else's life, which I have done over these 3 years. You try to make them happy, only to end up exhausted realizing this is not possible. She constantly stops taking her medication, despite our pleas that it makes her better. I am sad to say I can no longer consider her my friend, but solely a roommate.
DeleteI have bipolar disorder and when i'm manic,I am mean verbally, but I do not lie. I never lie when manic. I don't think being manic will make you lie. What do you think people?
DeleteI think your friend has other issues on top of the bipolar.
Lying is not one of the symptoms of bipolar disorder.
DeleteI beg to differ.
DeleteMy name is D and I'm Bipolar w/other problems as well. I have "outbursts"....my "Dixie Carter" moments. Where I think its OK to simply go off & tell someone exactly what I think & what everyone else has said too. But, I have to be pushed...manipulated, treated poorly to get to that point. Then I break. I told two "friends" that I needed a break, I wasn't doing well, had bumped up my psych visits & my therapy visits. Now its blown way out of proportion & every problem we've ever had was my fault. I'm so confused...
ReplyDeleteIM 28, I SUFFER FROM BEING BIPOLAR. I TRY TO HIDE IT, BUT IF I GET CLOSE TO A PERSON, IT STARTS SHOWING UP. IM A VERY FRIENDLY PERSON. IM A FLIGHT ATTENDANT FOT A MAJOR AIRLINE. IM PERFECTLY FINE AT WORK. ITS ALL THE REST THAS A PROBLEM. THOSE I LOVE AND CARE FOR, I TRY TO EDUCATE THEM AND PREPARE THEM FOR MY DIFFERENT MOODS. I USED TO BE ON MEDS AND THEY WORKED BUT MY LIFE JUST WASNT AS EXCITING, SO I STOPPED 3MOS AGO. I HATE THAT MY FRIENDS ACT SUPROSED WHEN I ALL OF A SUDDEN GO "PSYCHO" AS THEY SAY. I ALREADY WARNED THEM!! ITS FRUSTRATING BECUZ I FEEL ALL ALONE LIKE NO ONE UNDERSTANDS. IM SCARED I'LL NEVER HAVE A TRUE FRIEND, A BOYFRIEND, OR FAMILY. I HATE MY LIFR RIGHT NOW.
ReplyDeleteDear Fly - you will figure it out, I promise. As a BP you won't have the "luxury" of living an unexamined life. We have to constantly turn things over, look more deeply at ourselves, and reflect more thoroughly on our thoughts. The process of personal inquiry can lead you to develop a very satisfying and completely original personal philosophy for living. My advice at 46 and diagnosed for 15 years is to work on yourself by looking inward. Do that work daily and the relational issues will improve. And, stick with the med program your Doc has you on. That part really is foundational for working with this. You can't rely on willpower or mental toughness to temper the swings any more than you can will a fever or broken leg away.
ReplyDeleteI just had to comment here. I have a former friend who is bi-polar. I did care and I did try to understand. But her behavior became so downright abusive (constantly picking fights, putting herself and ME down, getting angry if I breathed the wrong way, creating needless drama in her life and mine, etc.) that I could not take it anymore. I felt beaten up every moment I was with her. (I also suspect that she has a personality disorder, namely HPD.) Moreover, she did not take responsibility for her illness, nor did she make any attempt to get well. Quite the contrary, she abused drugs and alcohol, plus refused to seek therapy or other treatment. Many times, caring and understanding are not enough, especially if people with this disorder don't care about themselves. I couldn't save her. But in the end, I chose to save myself.
ReplyDeleteHi: I'm Jacquelyn from RI...I also have bipolar. So does my son..ugh!!! lost all my "Friends" because of my ups and downs. My exboyfriend says I'm like a "Penci with two points." He broke up with me today. I used go out dancing every weekend with a group of friends..now I don't go out...they don't call me anymore.. so alone. If I see these people in a store they avoid me alltogether...
ReplyDeleteI just had an severe episode that has destroyed a musical group I was in. They suspected something was wrong with me as does everyone else who avoids me. I had to come clean about BPD, So they would not think I was an asshole, just an ass. Either way I am labelled now (again) trust is gone and I know it never comes back. Just another ground zero for me. I am so use to it. Weird this was the first time I stop speaking for a week. Our stigma is alive and thriving. F it. Peter
ReplyDeleteJudging by all the comments on this quite small post from way back in 2009, as Peter said: "Our stigma is alive and thriving. F it." Thank goodness we have each other. {{{hugs}}}} everyone... Clive
ReplyDeleteBury to Warwick - you know who I am, Clive.
ReplyDeleteIn 2012 we will become more than internet & chat buddies. We will meet - Kate and I to Warwick, + you to Manchester / Bury. This past week, you have proved to be a true, wise friend with your insight into my difficult behaviour + your support of Kate. You know I'm there for you as much as I can be - especially in our early mornings. My bipolar is not your bipolar -we are both working thru' the illness, with you a million miles ahead.
Hang on in there, Clive. Everything is in place for good health to return to us both in 2012. We deserve no less [I think :-)] {{{Hugs}}}
I have an ex-boyfriend who has untreated bipolar disorder. I was with him during a couple of his manic, and even psychotic, breaks. I tried very hard to be understanding and compassionate, but it was a struggle. It was difficult to separate the person that I cared about from the disorder. I would take the horrible and negative things he said to me personally and resent him for it. The abuse was tearing me down and I was emotionally exhausted from trying to keep up with him and prevent him from making terrible mistakes. We haven't spoken for several months (since the start of his last manic episode), but there are times that I wish I could still talk to him and just be there for him as a friend. I just want him to know that i'm there for him and he's not alone. Maybe someone on here can help me: does anyone have any advice on how I can have a friendship with someone with BD without the abuse?
ReplyDeleteHELP!
ReplyDeleteagree
DeleteI am 18 years old and have 2 BP friends. One a girl and another a guy. At times she can become extremely sad out of nowhere on the verge of crying and depressed. Over the years I learned to try and calm her down and cheer her up, but it gets very troublesome and tiring. The other friend turned to weed to cope with his problems and I can tell he's a lot more negative and rude as he once was. My only advice I can say is that I do care about these friends that I have, but I don't know if any of my attempts to help will ever be enough. I hope they find happiness in the end. Hope this helps
ReplyDeleteI don't think it's fair to say that friends who distance themselves aren't true friends. Someone who I considered my best friend had bipolar. Recently we had a huge fight and we are no longer speaking. I just feel like I can't do it anymore. I am not perfect. I have my own issues and my own insecurities. But the abuse and the lack of responsibility for her own behaviour became too much.
ReplyDeleteA disagreement over something stupid would escalate until she was being abusive and incredibly judgemental. I told her that this hurt me but she took no accountability for her own behaviour and continued blaming me and telling me I was wrong, while I was willing to take responsibility for my own mistakes. There were expectations and criticisms of me that were both inaccurate and hard to live up to. It was a very unequal friendship. I felt like I gave everything, listening to her for hours, walking on egg-shells to make sure I didn't hurt or upset her. And yet she never asked me how I was going or listened to my problems and wasn't concerned about hurting me.
As a person with low self-esteem I realised that the friendship wasn't good for me. It was making me miserable and making me blame and hate myself when friends should make you feel happy and see the good in you. My friend was lovely in many ways and I hope she finds peace and happiness, but being her friend meant giving up my own peace and happiness and I couldn't do it.
You've had to face a very difficult situation: to stay with someone you care about and be poisoned by their toxicity, or to live with the guilt of leaving them on their own. What I am wondering is how you managed to make that choice, because it is one that I am trying so hard to make now.
DeleteI met an incredible young man in January - he was smart, cynical, attractive, well-read... and had a girlfriend. I developed a crazy crush, and stood by him when his girlfriend dumped him in February. At that point he seemed a broken-hearted but kind romantic, and his hopelessness drew me to him (I like caring for people).
Over the months I grew to love him more, but the closer we became as friends, the more verbally abusive he got. He regressed from "talk to you tomorrow :) xx" (March) to "stop being such a fucking moron" (August). He told me once that he was "manic depressive", but we never spoke of it afterward - just as I told him I had a crush on him three months ago, but we never talked about it.
Now I'm one of a handful of friends he has left. I console him when he's sad, rejoice with him during his rare moments of 'normalcy', stand and take it when he becomes verbally abusive, and stay awake at night when he's drinking and needs to text someone. He used to be so much kinder to me, but it seems as though us being closer has become a reason for him to be 'allowed' to treat me cruelly.
So the problem is... I can feel my affection for him turning into guilt. Guilt that I can't leave him on his own; guilt that I can't always be there for him (I'm at uni; he dropped out); guilt that no matter what I do, he will always be mad at me. Guilt that I cannot do more for him, and guilt that I am allowing him to make me feel bad about myself when I know I’m not a bad person – merely his punching bag.
I want so much to be there for him, but while he complains that he has no friends, he has told me repeatedly that he doesn't care about me (this is usually when I tell him that I don't want to be mad at him and he tells me "so, leave. You have nothing to bargain with because I. Don't. Care.") so I don't know how I can stay.
I've suffered depression in the past, and constantly worrying about him is bringing back my early symptoms (listlessness, withdrawing from friends/family, feeling anxious, extended periods of crying/feelings of hopelessness). I love him, but he has never felt the same way about me as I have about him, and it's becoming harder and harder to remain resilient while he breaks my heart weekly.
How has it affected you and your friend, letting them go? Is there a way to find a balance between being there for them, but not having their illness consume your life as well as theirs? I don't want to 'friend dump' him, but I can tell that I'm losing myself and my own friends by staying with him.
Deja Vu, move on you don't need this abuse in your life
DeleteThe loss of friends can only ne addresses by those who suffer from bipolar disorder. The comments here from the "friends" are only too predictable and hurtful and are clearly made by people who have not studied from what we suffer.
ReplyDeleteI am a mature gay man who dated a guy with BP I- at the time I was caregiver from my Mom with Alzheimer's (he never gave me any emotional support) Increasingly he grew more cold- and when we where together socially with others would put me down. As my mother was dying he dumped me- without explanation. Never called me to see how I was. Came to my mothers service and was rude to me.
DeleteI recently saw him again. He either has gone off his meds- or they stopped working. We met at a restaurant- he was very nasty- rude, insulting- and narcissistic. I suffer from Generalized Anxiety disorder- and take medication- I have worked helping others all my life- but this person needs to stop hurting others- and using excuses for for himself. I am a tolerant person- but I can only take so much.
I think both bipolar and friends of have every right to express themselves.
ReplyDeleteIt’s a way for us non-bipolar friends to try and understand how the illness affects friendship. But I think it’s important we have a little say to, so we are not painted as bad people.
My best friend is bi polar, but has always been on meds. I have been there all the way, whatever she needed. The friendship has always been uneven, but I accepted that along with her ups and down. We have great fun, and talk for hours. Having suffered for years with depression myself, I don’t have any negative thoughts for reactions to anyone with mental health issues.
However, my friend recently had a baby and things have changed as expected.
Shortly after, she began texting me, about a misunderstanding and we needed to talk. I tried to ring her but she wouldn’t pick up. I had no idea what was going on. After a week of this I finally got through, she just screamed at me, ranting about texts I’d never sent, texts shed never sent and conversations we had never had! She had imagined entire situations where I was cruel and hurtful telling her she couldn’t look after her baby.
I tried contacting her since but have heard nothing from her in 2 months despite my attempts. However she keeps telling all our mutual friends that she still cares about me and wants to talk….I assumed with her baby and everything that she has got time mixed up and may only think its been a few weeks or days. Maybe she thinks she had text or something. Then I found out today that she had a baby naming celebration yesterday, and I wasn’t invited.
My partner and other friends have told me to just simply leave the friendship be. It’s clearly changed and I have been deeply hurt by her actions, even though I still care and understand how her life has changed recently. I know her life has turned upside down and her emotions must be like a whirlwind…
But I have been so upset about this I think I have come to realize that the friendship may very well be over. Sometimes, people have to walk away, and move on with their own lives, I just thought people should know, it’s not an easy choice to make.
YOUR FRIEND HAD A BABY AND IS DELUSIONAL BECAUSE the hormones and lack of sleep are making her crazy.
DeleteThat will change when the baby gets older and her sleep patterns become normal.
After having a baby, women with bipolar are affected severely.
She probably feels guilty for not being able to handle it and she projects that on you in her delusional state.
I wouldn't give up on her for that because she will become normal once her sleep patterns become normal.
MEdications do not work for bipolar when a person loses sleep or if you put them under stress - mental or physical stress.
Just wait till she becomes normal again and email her and tell her that you think her hormones and lack of sleep might be affecting her and that you are open to being her friend if she decides to maintain the friendship in the future. leave it open.
Even if she hasn't had the baby yet, she is pregnant and the hormones levels change and that makes normal women emotional. I'm sure she is getting delusional because of her hormone changes.
DeleteShe is at severe risk of post partum depression from the sounds of it. Talk to her husband or something and let him know your concerns about her and the friendship. She needs a doctor to help her get through this.
There is a company online that helps people with bipolar through pregnancy
www.truehope.com They have natural supplements and phone assistance. You could talk to someone on that phone line about your friend.
www.truehope.com
A friend/ex of mine is Bi Polar although i'm not sure he'l ever take meds for it.Hes on a merry go round all the time drinking..sleeping ..sleeping,drinking,shaking freaking out thinking hes insane and worrying.In the beginning i had NO clue what he was doing and why.I was confused and blamed myself entirely for what went wrong between us.But it wasn't hard to research this illness and not hard to understand it(as much as i can)..yeah sometimes i need a break and when i do i take one but as a friend and as a human looking at another human suffering i wont ever give up on him not till my last breath no matter how hard it gets.Hes a very sweet person with a heart of gold who takes things so much to heart so easily,kinda like a kid and it breaks MY heart to see it Hes confused all the time has,no direction,has no life plan,and lashes out at the people who care most.Still i believe god has sent him to me to mind him.Which i will.Anyone who's new to this bi polar all i can say to u i research and learn very fast to take any amount of crap on the chin and develop a cast iron set of feelings and do it fast ,,when they speak or hurt u its not them just the illness speaking..stay strong and pray...lots :) good luck people xx
ReplyDeleteMy ex girlfriend is a untreated bipolar sufferer. About 3 months ago I caught with a bloke she just met that night. She flipped out at me and moved into this blokes place. She leaves me and her 2 and a half year old boy who she loved more then anything in the world. She starts drinking a lot getting into fights shes turned into the person she hated. Now she shows up after 3 months asking for my help saying she not right in the head. I love her so much I take her back in and she keeps running off to this bloke and coming back. She only been back a week!! Its like she stuck between 2 worlds the one with our family and the world she is punishing herself in. She come to me for help saying she needs me but she can't let go of this rubbish life she started. What can I do I love her do much and my sin needs a mum.
ReplyDeleteHeres what I think-just my thoughts…sounds a little blunt…but…..She needs help, true, but neither you or your son should be subjected to this behavior, it can be damaging to his emotional growth. He may need his mum, but asks your self, is she really there right now?
ReplyDeleteSupport your partner into getting therapy, and rehab, where they can help her.
I would suggest you ask her to stay in a motel or flat until such time as she had got some help. But this may not work because she will go to this other bloke. Maybe talk to some of her family or friends and see if they can help with a place to stay until such time she a little more stable. Coz As much as she wants to be around part of her is pulling away. Just remember its not her fault it’s the bi polar, but this still doesn’t mean its healthy for you or your son to be picking up the pieces in this way. If this were me… I would not have her coming and going, as this will be confusing to your son. I would try to arrange set visit times once she is a little clearer. I’m sure she truly loves her son, and she cares for you, which is why she came back to you both, deep down she will let you help her, it will take time and no doubt a lot of arguments. Take it slowly and calmly, no accusing her. Maybe offer to book her into a rehab style retreat for a week to help her sort her head out, while she’s there the therapist can advise her further etc. If nothing changes after you have tried everything, I would also suggest getting custody of your son.
I can relate to a lot of the things that I have read on here. I have a friend that is diagnosed with bipolar disorder. He has been a good friend at times. Its difficult though because I feel like it is one sided when it comes to being supportive emotionally. I listen to him a lot and I dont mind some of the time. Sometimes though, I need to care for myself and I feel like I cant be around him because its draining.
ReplyDeleteIt is hard to understand, not being able to control his emotions or actions when hes fired up. I cant help think that learning those skills through mindfulness or CBT or something would help a lot and that the Psychiatrists focus too much on medication. Of course medication is important to keep him and those around him safe and as an initial treatment. I often get the feeling though, that it is partly a lack of skills that he didn't develop for whatever reason. It often seems like he is so self focussed that he cant see outside of himself and his thoughts. *Sigh* it is always such a roller coaster ride. I want to be supportive but I dont know if its in either of our best interests to have a friendship that is unbalanced like that. I wonder if it makes it worse for him to be friends with me when I have to take breaks all the time so Im not drained.
Ive a friend who i'm sure is bipolar 2 (we talked about it and her therapy visits but never got to the diagnosis). We share everything, she's always there for me and vice-versa (when she's OK). She was OK for a while and we arranged to do things and were just like, as Forrest Gump says, Peas and Carrots again. But, she fell pregnant and had to come off of her meds and since she just spiralled into depression followed by, what I percieve to be, Hypomania. I'm all of a sudden a nobody, the last person she wants to see or talk to. She tried to pull out of the things we arranged to do (which were her idea) and I knew she would. She will have spikes of what I describe as 'false' cherpiness (it's not the real her but it obviously fools everyone else, it;s so fustrating cos Im on my own in seeing it) around EVERYBODY ELSE but, me?, she wont even look at me. I try to act like there's nothing different and I get pushed away, rejected time and time again. I back off and I'll be accused of avoiding her when I try and talk to her again ("you cant just ignore me then expect to be my friend again!"). I try and talk seriously about it and she brushes me off or makes me feel like im a freak just for wanting to talk to her, or that Im interfering, its my fault we dont talk, im accussing her of things, and she doesnt seem to realise, even afterwards, how hurtful and sometimes down right ridiculous what she's saying to me is. It's an impossible task, but I wont give up because it's no more her fault than it is mine and I promised her that Id never give up on her. I remember the scared look on her face when she said there's nothing she could do to help me, she knew what was coming (she was warning me, although I didnt need it). I said that it wouldnt be a problem and not to worry, Im not going anywhere. She cannot help it and I know that the only reason Im singled out is because she feels closest to me (it's either me or her boyfriend that get pushed away). I was the first person she told that she was pregnant (other than her mum and the father) but Im worried I'll be the last to know when it's born. But, more importantly, Im worried about her health and the baby's. I dont know how to confront her. She has never been this distant from me, we've always worked it out but Im scared she'll do something stupid. On top of that her boyfriend all of a sudden doesnt respond to me and we've always got on brilliantly (either she's told him something and to not contact me or they've split up, Im doubting the latter this time round but she is prone to lying when she's like this). I dont know what to do to help her.
ReplyDeleteCurious did you two ever talk to each other again? I have a friend just like this. It's been 5 months since my best friend has talked to me. A brief message once or twice just saying she can't deal with things, but seems fine and talks to others. She didn't get pregnant but started meds and then I think stopped them.
DeleteI had been diagnosed with bipolar disorder when I was sixteen. I went off of lithium the following year and went untreated until October of 2011 when I was admitted to a psychiatric facility. I have been reading thorough some of these comments and there are some things I would like to say...
ReplyDeleteFor those of you claiming that you feel your friends are bipolar because they "lie" and "manipulate", I can guarantee you that it is not a trait of bipolar disorder. Your friend just may very well be a manipulative person who lies a lot; a compulsive liar possibly. I believe there is still a stigma with this disorder and I feel people really need to do some research and inform themselves on what the characteristics really are. Lying, manipulating, and complete selfishness are not traits of someone dealing with bipolar disorder... they are traits of selfish people. I have friends like that... and I'm the bipolar one. I'm on the phone or in person talking for hours, or should I say that they (two of my friends) are talking for hours when the only words I can get in are "okay", "yeah", or "uh huh". I am always there to help them, give them money, take their abuse, and listen to their lies. These are toxic people. Never are they there to see how I am or to talk to me, which I never really mind because I tend to be reclusive unless someone really needs me, but they are in fact one sided relationships. The world revolves around them. I ended up cutting most of my ties with one of these "friends" and the other is finally starting to grow up and realize not everything is about her. She's a lot more bearable and more so as the days go on. As a bipolar individual, I have done many things I am not proud of and many things that I am proud of. I'm extremely creative in both my highs and lows and I am proud of that. I am an aggressive manic; that, I am not proud of. And with all of the feelings I feel and the things I do in whichever mood, I have never lied or manipulated. I however have lied about doing laundry and not doing it, or putting the dishes in the dishwasher and not doing it, but then doing those things about five minutes before a certain someone gets home and then laughing about it. Please, people... get your facts straight before blaming everything on bipolar disorder. And I don't know about anyone else, but I become extremely blunt and speak my mind during manic phases; more truthful. All in all, maybe rid yourselves of selfish, one sided relationships. Some people just genuinely believe the world revolves around them and most don't seem to change that belief. Sad, but true. Inform yourselves and stop the stigma.
Lyssi <3
Bipolar is getting thrown around a lot lately and just because you can have a bad mood does not make you bipolar and there is just the run of the mill depression. Life is difficult. BP deflect their symptoms on others to make themselves feel less dysfunctional. I have had two friends that were abusive, one even hit me. Trying to explain the demise of a friendship when you are embarrassed to even have to explain the circumstances......like I am the one with the problem. BP can be great friends when they are in a happy state so becoming friends is easy at that point but later when the 'other' side emerges....it can be very, very painful. I am an empath and feel too much for people already but for my own sanity have had to distance myself from them.
ReplyDeleteI have a bipolar boyfriend. At first, things seemed ok. Then the jealousy started to get worse. I basically ended up deleting my facebook which was mostly family members as well as some other accounts. I have lost my ties with friends to isolate them. He has never been able to keep friends. Tonight, he saw someone online that he had confrontations with in the past on my phone. He wanted me to message them and I told him no, that I really didn't need more drama tonight. He took it upon himself to message the person which lead to an online altercation and almost a physical one. I fear for him constantly. I get left with trying to repair damage and get told that I am not supportive. He asked my opinion on why he had trouble making friends and I reluctantly answered. Again, I was told that I was not being supportive. I have been called a sneak, worthless, idiot, moron, and many other names. Getting him to start meds has been an undertaking in itself. It is a tremendous amount of stress. My life has been on hold now for about 6 months and money is running out quickly. I have been giving up my life to take care of him. I love him dearly, but if it keeps at this rate, I will have no means to take care of him. It hurts me to see what he is going through. But it also hurts when your accused of trying to poison them or mess up their computer. I can't remember a day without crying. When you love and care about someone, what can you do? I'm not the type to give up on people and I have seen the loving, caring and compassionate side of him. There are days I go to sleep and hope I don't wake up because of the fear of what the next day will bring. I hope he keeps up with his meds. But I can only hope.
ReplyDeleteKind of crazy to realize these things. My best friend for many years is bipolar and I am just now realizing it despite her conforming to all the signs. Because she was my childhood friend I accepted all her behavior as normal, especially because I never had alot of friends growing up and appreciated someone being around for me. Now that I am older and have gone through much of her destructive behavior I understand that it was because she has a bipolar disorder. She can be very aggressive and strongwilled, and I know that bringing up her disorder is out of the question. I went back and forth what to do with our friendship as we hold many dear memories together and I have decided to keep her in my life but from a distance. She just moved in with her boyfriend so I can suspect that he bears much of the brunt of her behaviour, and its evil but I just feel relieved most of the time that I dont feel so obligated and attached to her because its exhausting. It makes me sad that there is nothing to do about it because she can be such a nice person and I know she has been through alot and it saddens me that it will be this way until she gets any help.
ReplyDeleteThank you all SO very much. I love my husband who is bipolar with all my heart; we have been married 25 years,with 6 children and soon to have our 10th grandchild. It has been a rough, hard road at times, but the man he is,his principles and values and big heart full of love for us all has made it possible for me to forgive and forget and start all over from scratch so many times without ever looking back, because we were in this TOGETHER.
ReplyDeleteWe've now come to a time in our lives, though, that I don't know where to turn or what is the right thing to do,and I hope that some of you who are bipolar can help me understand.
He has been off his meds-no surprise- and I saw the mania swelling, rising, and was helpless to stop him. He took Ambien and my car while I was asleep and drove it while he was asleep, into a huge tree and basically scalped himself . When I saw hi covered in blood,the car totaled, I realized I can no longer protect him from himself while he fights me every inch of the way for trying to "control" him.He could have died, with me doing my best, and him hating me for it. After he was released from the hospital he went to stay with a person who has a family member who is BP, and now will not contact ANY of our children or me.He is not suicidal, I am told he is working as much as he can (the wreck was 2 weeks ago),and is attending church passionately, says he is going to get a place of his own and is never coming home unless God leads him in that direction. In the meantime, I have contacted the marriage counselor he said he wanted me to,offered to go to church with him, but he still refuses to communicate with me directly, and even forbid me to attend the church he attends. The children and grnadchildren are worried,too.
My question is this; is this just part of his cycling,he feels like he can't deal with his real life right now and when he has come down or up or whatever enough to feel like he can face life again,he will want to come on home and be around the ones of us that love him?
IN other words, is avoiding all of us a part of the illness, somehow? A part of the 'running away'? This time there is no alcohol, drugs, or sex involved; it is religion. But the seperation is so very painful. I love him and miss him and want him to hurry and be better,but i don't know whether to "push" or give him space.
Will some of you who understand this from his side of things please help me understand where he is at right now, and what I can do?
Whatever happened Dolly with your situation?
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